silence saves
recently chan returned from her meditation retreat.
i was a little worried about what we’d say to each other when we finally chatted. i always hated that first conversation when someone goes on vacation and you have to ask them how it was. “so…how does it feel to be back? what was your favorite place? what were the people like? did you get mugged?” shit like that. i hate being the asker and i deplore being the askee. so i was thinking a little bit about my approach.
vague nadia: “hey lover.” then, be quiet, and let her speak. she gets to figure out if this is a-hole nadia or peaceful nadia or a hybrid of the two.
interested nadia: “heeeey love. how are you feeling?” kinda sounds like i just found out she has gallstones or a migraine or is getting audited.
a-hole nadia: “hey. i’m sooo tired today. i seriously can’t talk.” then hang up and make her feel like it was her fault.
buddy nadia: “hey pal! whats going on?” god i hate that person. i think i know that person.
sister nadia: no plan.
i thought about what we would dive into. i didn’t over think it mind you, but it was there. she was silent for 10 days which means she was in a place i’ll never get to visit, but i am so proud of her finding her way there and her way back.
this afternoon she rang me while i was sitting on my bed typing away. the first thing we decided was we wish every sentence ended with “fa la la la laaa, la la la la.” deck the halls. christmas has always been a way for us to find our way home. and the sister nadia always comes through first - no plans required.
let that be our family code word for when we don’t know what to say; but understand each other.
PS. christmas is 92 days away. add this to your desktop so you know that there is one day that i will believe in pretty much anything.